Psychologist Urges Workers to Drop the 'Too Nice' Act and Embrace Honest Feedback

Being overly nice at work may be undermining trust and effectiveness, warns a social psychologist who says genuine, specific feedback is more valuable than forced positivity.

Social discomfort is a common feature of workplace interactions, according to Tessa West, a social psychologist and professor at New York University who studies such dynamics. From giving feedback to navigating status differences, employees frequently mask their unease with excessive niceness—smiling, over-praising, and avoiding direct comments in an attempt to maintain harmony.

A group of people working | Source: Pexels

But this approach may backfire. "The harder we try to use niceness to cover up our discomfort, the more people can see right through us," the psychologist explains.

Nonverbal cues like tone and body language often reveal true emotions, leading colleagues to sense insincerity. Generic praise like "Great job!"—especially when unearned—can signal inattentiveness and erode trust over time. To foster a culture of authenticity, West suggests three key strategies:

Question the Norm: Examine whether a "niceness culture" is genuinely embraced or simply adopted due to peer behavior. Initiating conversations about alternative feedback approaches can uncover hidden dissatisfaction and encourage more meaningful communication. One suggestion includes asking colleagues to list specific areas for improvement and strengths after a presentation.

A woman smiling at a coworker | Source: Pexels

Be Specific: Replace vague judgments with detailed, behavior-focused observations. Specificity enhances the usefulness and sincerity of both praise and criticism, and helps reduce defensiveness in recipients.

Start Small: Transitioning from overly nice to honest feedback doesn't have to be abrupt. Begin with low-stakes topics, such as office amenities, to practice giving constructive input. Over time, this builds a foundation for addressing more sensitive issues.