Ivy League Psychologist Identifies Unlearning Fear as Key to Success and Happiness

Overcoming fear is the key to achieving lasting success and happiness, according to Scott Barry Kaufman, a psychologist and adjunct associate professor at Columbia University’s Barnard College. Kaufman highlights a process he calls “unlearning fear,” which involves actively confronting and rethinking fear-based behaviors developed from past experiences.

“Fear is automatically learned,” Kaufman writes in his April book Rise Above. “And fear must be actively unlearned: We have to choose a different way of living.”

The word success on the blackboard | Source: Pexels

He explains that people often avoid actions that trigger fear — such as asking for a promotion or starting a new business — to avoid possible rejection or failure. “Our default state is to have a sense of helplessness when we get overwhelmed,” he says.

Instead, Kaufman encourages reframing fear as an opportunity for growth. “You can, in any moment, decide to live and make the fear decision or make the growth decision,” he notes.

One strategy Kaufman recommends is shifting from “why” questions to “what” questions when dealing with stress or uncertainty. For example, when faced with unexpected demands at work, asking “What am I feeling?” or “What do I need right now?” can lead to more productive outcomes than asking “Why am I feeling this?”

Close-up of medium-sized hands | Source: Pexels

This approach, he says, fosters curiosity and objectivity, enabling individuals to identify harmful patterns and build resilience. “Going into any situation with curiosity and an openness to learning is a much better way than leading with your fear,” Kaufman concludes.