Psychology Expert Shares Research-Backed Tips for Building Meaningful Friendships and Community

Developing and maintaining healthy relationships is a key factor for happiness and longevity, according to an 87-year Harvard study identifying social fitness as the top predictor of a long and happy life. Longevity researcher Dan Buettner emphasized this in his podcast, saying, “When you boil it all down, building the right social network is arguably the most powerful thing you can do to add good years to your life and be happy.”

In a recent episode, Buettner spoke with psychology expert Vanessa Van Edwards, who teaches evidence-based people skills, to outline a practical “roadmap” for forming lasting social connections. Van Edwards stressed that genuine relationships come from authenticity rather than trying to connect with everyone.

A group of friends taking a selfie | Source: Pexels

“You don’t have to be friends with everyone,” she said. “You’re looking for your person that answers in a way that you’re like, ‘Wow, I feel kinship with you. I feel connection with you. I understand this.’” She warned against maintaining what she called “ambivalent relationships,” describing them as “social sugar” to be limited for emotional well-being.

Van Edwards outlined six key strategies for cultivating a supportive network: identifying places and people that energize rather than drain you; finding “watering holes” — activities or topics that bring fulfillment; embarking on new experiences to share with others; reconnecting with old acquaintances; engaging in meaningful conversations beyond small talk; and being intentional about the kind of friendships one seeks.

“Pretend that [in] every room you enter, there is a friend just waiting for you,” Van Edwards advised. “With that assumption, you have more confidence, you have more intention, and it is easier to make friends.”